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Catch 22...you all know it.

3/5/2015

7 Comments

 
"TODAY! Today is the day I am going to get out of bed early, hit the gym, tackle the tasks I've been putting off forever, and I am going to feel GOOD." We ALL say this, and if you're me, you say this every day. Also, if you're me, it never happens.  There's a fine line between the Crohn's side effects (the fatigue, joint pain, muscle aches, hell it even feels like my bones hurt) and between being moody, depressed or upset. With any chronic illness, I think it's a little bit of both. Actually, scratch that, a whole lot of both. 
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As you all know, I was in medical school when I first got ill and was diagnosed and had to leave for two whole years.  What I did not know is that I would be tremendously bored and never want to leave my bed. I think it is some sort of endless cycle, tired but can't sleep, then can't wake up in the morning. The desires to do things and go out change a lot when you're sleepy and achy.  

I know that exercising and getting up and about might help with some of these pain and the fatigue, but for some reason, I just can't.  I can't be the only one that gets in these funks, can I? 

The answer is definitely no, because I see a lot of people like me with Crohn's or other autoimmune disease, or hell any chronic disease, try to beat this endless cycle but fail day after day.  Why do we let this happen to us? I think it is our mind overpowering our body.  Sometimes I feel like since I am not in school I have no worth or purpose, and I drag along every day waiting to get back into med school and make my mark on the world, and crossing my fingers that I won't get sick again.  

This wasn't supposed to happen to me.  I worked so HARD to get into medical school right from college. I was one of the youngest there.  I was going to be done by 28 and be able to get married and have kids in perfect time, and all of that changed on the 27th of February.  I am now two years behind in school, was told I might not be able to have kids from my illness.  Well that's just a slap in the face, right?

No, I guess not. I guess it is just life. Things happen, random events occur, bad circumstances come about in the lives of good people. 

TOMORROW, I will get out of bed, and be active, and do what I need to do!....Or I might lay here and do nothing because I am achy from the weather...it's a goddamn catch 22.




Love & Thanks,
Alyssa
xoxox

7 Comments
Robin
3/3/2015 11:37:34 pm

I love your blog! Each post is so perfect written an describes my daily life! Especially this one! The struggle every single just to get out of bed and function. It's exhausting. Hang in there girl!

Reply
Alyssa Alda
10/5/2015 12:42:17 am

Robin, thank you so much for reading and I am so glad you can relate! I hope you are doing well!
Health & Happiness,
Alyssa

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christina
3/4/2015 03:22:09 am

How i feel everyday. But seriously when im balanced i rock it...when my body takes over me i may as well be dead to the world.

Reply
Alyssa Alda
10/5/2015 12:43:16 am

I totally understand, sometimes (RARELY...very rarely), I feel completely on top of the world. The others, I feel like I am living in my own personal hell. This is why we need to stick together!
Health & Happiness,
Alyssa

Reply
Chris Thompson
3/5/2015 12:49:53 pm

I tell myself the same thing almost every day, " I'll get up and do what has to be done", to try and alleviate some of this pain, pain not just from my crohns, but my rheumatoid arthritis as well. Being diagnosed with both at the same time when I was in high school, to say it was difficult doesn't do my struggle justice. But, I totally get where you're coming from, to make yourself get up and move, which to say sounds so simple, is one of the hardest parts.

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Deborah
3/7/2015 05:38:14 pm

I was sick on and off for over a decade before my diagnosis in 1993. I was 28, single and working at a food distributor for 10 years. After my first bowel resection I decided to try for a family, told my boyfriend of 3 years step up or get out, you're wasting my time! We have an 18 year old daughter and 17 year old son. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. I had my 2nd resection last year, I'm moving a little slower but I'm still trying.

Reply
Cindy
3/8/2015 12:36:32 am

Wow! I just came across your blog. Thank you. I began with colitis, colon removed, j pouch since 2005. Diagnosis of Crohn's this past year. I will be 50 this year and although I am much older than you, I face the exact same struggles. For me, this very issue is the worse. Too tired to function (outside of a very stressful full time job) and feeling terrible due to no activity. Every Monday morning, I tell myself "today is the day I take charge....." and every Monday morning I go back to bed. Things could always be worse and there are many out there suffering far more than I , and that is what keeps my head up!

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